Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
