I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
