hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
