I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize