I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
