You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
