If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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