I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
