Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
