I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
