So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
