So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
