The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
