I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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