we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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