You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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