you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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