apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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