Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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