I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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