all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
