I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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