my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
