We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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