Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
