Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my liver is dry heaving
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
