Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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