You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
