my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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