i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
