Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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