whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
