your room smells of hookers.
And success
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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