her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
