There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i dont even know how to be here
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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