Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
