I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
