That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
