Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
