I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
