dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
