he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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