i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
