The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
