i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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