So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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