Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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