TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
