How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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