Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
