he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
