youre lurking in front of me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
