I wish my penis had an off switch
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You are a genius and a whore.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize