you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
