He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
