I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
