I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
