I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
