Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
