2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
