i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
