Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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