Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize