I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You've changed since you got that strap on
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
