I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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