your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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