dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he quoted the bible to break up with me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
