I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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