Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
