I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
