I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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