you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
