i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
