I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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